


Auto

by neezhnies



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Gen, autocannibalism, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:35:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8236262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neezhnies/pseuds/neezhnies
Summary: Judai is soft. Judai is human. Judai's body is not meant to store his and Yubel's power without release.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilverRollu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverRollu/gifts).



> i started this back in 2014 and finished it tonight. i'm so sorry
> 
> warnings for self-cannibalism and gore and vomit

He starts out small, you know, just picking at his fingernails when he isn’t asleep in class. Something to keep him occupied that won’t get him in any trouble – like shuffling through and building his deck will. It’s not something Judai does often, only ever increasing in frequency if he finds himself stressed out.

 

He’s not ever really that worried about anything in particular. Just the usual: like how much fried shrimp they’re going to have at dinner and whether or not it’s going to rain. 

 

As one year rolls into the next, he finds himself doing it more often. Finds himself actively chewing on his fingernails instead of just picking. 

 

It’s not until his 4th year, after fusing with Yubel, that it’s gotten to the point of him chewing on his knuckles. He doesn’t notice at first, not really. The conscious gnawing never gets to the point of drawing blood and quiet whispers from Yubel are enough to get him to stop before it ever gets that far. 

 

But some days, he’ll wake up in his bunk with blood smeared on his knuckles and every flex of his fingers brings a twinge of pain that he can’t deny. He’ll wash his hands, scrub them down with lavender soap, and layer his fingers with bandages. Yubel will reprimand him on and off, waving a hand through his arm when it looks like he’s going to start biting again and hissing threats in the back of head. 

 

When he’s conscious of it, it’s easy for him to stop all together. The bites will scab over and heal - faster, now, with Yubel’s power swirling inside of him. 

 

Swirling may not be the right term at all. More like, pounding furiously against his too small, human insides. Crushing his stomach and rocking bile, pressing on grey matter and giving him headaches that even sleep can’t seem to cure. That’s usually when the biting is at its worst.

 

Right now is different. Different from any other time. He hasn’t dueled in several days, having to spend most of his time making up assignments he missed months ago just to guarantee he can graduate on time. Judai hasn’t eaten, either, the warm - hot, hot, h _ ot - _ pressure on his gut making it near impossible. That’s the downside to all of this power; it’s too large and all consuming for his body to withstand without a little discharge.

 

There’s a headache behind his eyes as he squints down at the papers strewn across his bed. Yubel is leaning over his shoulder, attempting to puzzle out a language they are none too familiar with after so many years of being stagnant and, honestly, doing a pretty good job of it. They’re just reaching over to point at an unfamiliar character when Judai tenses, going completely still. 

 

Slowly, slowly he rolls out of bed, knocking papers to the floor. He shuffles to the other end of the room, leans back against a wall, and collapses right there, knees pulled close to his chest.

 

“Judai?”

 

He shakes his head, pushes his forehead further into his knees. His breathing is audible, shoulders shaking; so curled in on himself that Yubel can’t tell where one part of Judai ends and another begins.

 

“Judai,” they try again, hovering anxiously. 

 

Judai chokes, makes a sound like he’s dying and lifts his head. He’s got a hand pressed to his mouth and his eyes are wide. Wide and white and, oh, oh,  _ oh  _ one of his fingers is most certainly missing. Not just the delicate skin of his hand, but the  _ entire finger, _ bone and all. 

 

“Judai, what -”

 

Again, he chokes, like there’s something caught in his throat that he can’t quite get down. Like he doesn’t really want to swallow but has no other choice. His bloody, shaking hand is hovering just over his lips and Yubel can see a flash of his darkened teeth. There’s an audible swallow and Judai completely freezes, eyes wide and glassy, staring unblinkingly up at Yubel like he’s not quite sure what just happened. Neither are they.

 

Slowly, Yubel reaches out for him. They cannot touch him and he cannot feel them, but the semi-transparent hands ghosting up and down his arms offer a vague comfort. He’s still staring up at them, his entire body is shaking in earnest now; standing on the shore as wave after wave rocks into his body. 

 

He gurgles, spits up a glob of blood into his waiting hand - the hand now missing a finger,  _ oh Judai _ . His teeth are grinding together, as if he can remove the blood trapped between them through sheer force of will. “Yubel,” he says barely above a whisper.

 

“Judai, Judai, what did you do?”

 

“I don’t… I’m not…” Alarmingly, he pales further right before he lunges forward and heaves onto the carpet of his dorm room. Choking up spit, and blood, and bile but no finger, no finger, how can it just be gone? How did he saw through tendon, through bone? 

 

He’s still heaving and crying and his four fingered hand spasms against the carpet. Yubel reaches down to press against it and Judai whimpers sharply, pulling the hand away and into himself. 

 

“Please, please don’t. There’s too much.” 

 

“Judai…” They reach forward again, and he flinches back with a whine. “Judai, you need to talk to me. Please.” 

 

Judai leans back against the wall and wheezes. The stump of his index finger is smearing blood across his lips and cheeks as he cradles it close to his face. “There’s too much… Yubel, there’s too much inside. It hurts.” He thumps his head against the wall. “Too much, too much…” 

 

Yubel doesn’t dare reach for him again, despite how much they want to. Despite how Judai is right there within reach, bleeding and crying and panicking. “Too much what, Judai?”

 

“I don’t know… Everything…” His middle finger gravitates towards his mouth and he bites down, grinding hard and fast. His words are muffled and his breath is hitching. “Power…”

 

And Yubel can almost see it, now that he’s said it. They might be fused, but Judai is still soft and squishy; still human. Frustratingly, irritatingly human and he’s not meant to hold all of their combined power in like this. He hasn’t dueled in ages, and simple exercise doesn’t do the trick. He needs to have his cards in his hands; needs to battle it out with an opponent and just  _ let go _ . 

 

There’s a sharp crack as Judai’s middle finger gives way under his gnawing and he grunts but doesn’t stop. He chews more furiously, like all of his problems will be solved if he just gets rid of one more finger. If anything, it’s taking him longer than the first time. It’s still attached, if mangled. That… has to be good, right? 

 

“Judai! Judai, you need to stop!” Yubel reaches out again, unsure of what else they can possibly do, and shove their whole hand through his head. Judai freezes. His eyelids flutter. He faints.

 

He slides down the wall, falling through their arm and lands on his side. His finger is still in his mouth and it’s a mess. Yubel can see bone and flayed skin. They have seen worse, of course they have, but this is just… It’s just…!

 

They can’t do a thing; just hover and fret and worry as Judai unconsciously chokes up more bile onto the carpet. Onto the destroyed hand and finger lodged between his teeth.

 

Distantly, Yubel knows that someone will come looking for Judai. He has class later today, and since learning of his slim chances of graduating, has been a model student. Someone will come, and they will do what Yubel cannot.

  
Yubel smoothes their hand over his hair, over and over and over again. It doesn’t help.


End file.
